i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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