Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
