he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
