College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
