We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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