Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
