you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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