Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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