how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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