i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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