I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
