Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
