I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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