What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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