How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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