there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
