hell yes lets make some ravioli
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
