i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
