Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
