You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
