Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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