Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
