Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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