omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
