Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
