I just cut my nipple shaving
just tell him i said nine months
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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