Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
