Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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