batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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