yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
