I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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