I am in a vortex of obligation.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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