why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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