I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
