I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
