More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
