hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
