i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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