I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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