Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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