Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
