Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
