also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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