YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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