Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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