Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
