If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
