ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
