When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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