Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
